It’s like I could have written this:
When I was struggling, I suspected that my failure was due to lack of funds. I’d transcended my blue-collar roots, I thought: I’d been to university; I didn’t work, as my mother might say, “with my hands.” And I blamed myself. I told myself I wasn’t trying hard enough, that I was too impatient. I saw this in my failure to pound out essays after long days at work, and in my weird, jagged career trajectory. I wondered if I was too lazy, too restless to succeed, not cut out for the kind of heels-dug-in effort that creative careers require.
YES.
I suddenly remember something I wrote over two years ago. It hasn’t gotten significantly better since and I am far from alone.
You are not alone here. You mustn’t be so pessimistic. It’s not your fault.
I sympathize. With blue-collar work, it makes sense to “attack the job” and kick yourself for not throwing more into it. Unfortunately, that kind of work ethic doesn’t translate very well into intellectual work. C’est la vie, c’est le monde.
Hey Daniel, thanks for reading my blog. Maybe I need to post more of the stuff I’ve written on ADN, eh?
In other news, I have a job interview on Wednesday. Cross your fingers for me!